I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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