the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
