should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
