You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
