I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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