so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I deserve this hangover.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
