drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize