ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
