I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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