I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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