I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
