talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
