dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
