is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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