Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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