There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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