why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
