it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
