If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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