Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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