I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
