just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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