If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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