Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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