Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
