yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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