..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
