I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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