I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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