I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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