what day is it and did you see me today?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
