we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
