Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
