i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
