i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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