i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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