In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
