the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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