i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
