Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
