got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize