I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
