You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Help. Why am I so naked?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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