My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
