i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
