What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My pussy is not your playground.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
