Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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