You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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