He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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