Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
