Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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