she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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