i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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