I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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