textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize