I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
