went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
FUCK WHALES
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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