Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
