He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
