My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
