I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
