If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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