Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
