i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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