we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize