everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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