I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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