You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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