Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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