wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
